There’s a reason the post-breakup woman in every movie is found clutching a pint of ice cream along with a wad of snotty tissues — food will always love you, and you can come to rely on it as much as any vice
But no matter how bitchin’ you might turbo-charge that Rascal scooter, not being able to get around on your own is still kind of a bummer.
« For me, sugar has been like alcohol is for other people, » Rachel says. « It really goes right to my pleasure center. Interestingly enough, I’m in the process of establishing a good pain management system, because I have a lot of pain issues, and when I’m on pain medication, I don’t crave sugar as much. It’s like it hits that dopamine center. »
When you’ve already got addiction issues — as the two-pack-a-day-smoking, video-game-junkie Rachel clearly does — it’s one more obstacle to smash your metaphorical genitals into. Rachel started out as a relatively thin kid, but a traumatic experience in sixth grade led her to seek emotional relief from sweet lady pizza. « I would be upset, and then I would eat a pie or order a large pizza and eat that by myself, » she says, although she adds that « I don’t really do that anymore. »
Rachel’s case is an interesting one. Since her trauma involved sexual abuse, she struggles with a phenomenon doctors call « defensive weight. » That’s when survivors of sexual trauma subconsciously put on weight in an attempt to make themselves unattractive to potential abusers or to give themselves a kind of symbolic suit of armor. « You feel safe, » Rachel says. « There have been times that I’ve lost weight, like maybe 50 lbs., and it gives you anxiety. I look at the scale and it makes you feel . unprotected, I guess? »
There’s one type of psychological warfare Rachel’s weight can’t protect her from, though: shaming, which a lot of people seem to think convinces others to un-fat themselves. Unfortunately, actively gouging a person’s self-esteem generally drives them to self-medicate rather than jog. Attending Overeaters Anonymous meetings has pushed Rachel further into shame-based binge cycles. « My sponsor was Catholic, so I don’t know if that was part of the problem, but she was like, ‘You’re not turning over to your higher power enough,' » she says. Weirdly, that’s not the only time the Holy Trinity’s been pushed at her as a fat-fighting measure. « This woman came up to me in a waiting room, and not only was she pushing weight loss, but she was also pushing Jesus, like God’s diet plan. She said « You should only eat when Jesus tells you to, and then you’ll never be overweight. » Which is flat-out https://besthookupwebsites.org/local-hookup/calgary/ ignorant — Jesus was clearly pro-carb.
3 You’re Somebody’s Shameful Fetish
Rachel admits that, « For a long time, I felt like my body had been de-gendered, but then I found out there was a huge SSBBW community. » For the two of you who aren’t well-versed in your Internet sex acronyms, that stands for « super-size big beautiful woman, » a subset of the « big beautiful woman » community for larger ladies and the people who love them.
And lo, Rachel did find a virtual land of milk and eager dickings. « I think a big myth is that women like me aren’t sexually active or attractive to anyone, but there are a lot of guys who like really big women, » she says. « I have a profile on Adult Friend Finder, and I get bombarded with messages. » It’s not merely like attracting like, either: « Ninety-nine percent of the guys I’ve slept with are normal weight. I haven’t had sex with many big guys, just because of the geometry of it. »